The Honest Place

Why We Never Feel Enough

Svetlana Kaz 24m 1 month ago EN

The Honest Place is a space for honest conversations about self-worth, identity, leadership, ambition, parenting and the inner questions so many of us carry. Hosted by Svetlana Kaz, each episode offers reflective conversations on what growth and life really feel like from the inside.

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In this first Honest Place conversation, the host reflects on why so many people never feel like they are enough, drawing from her own inner criticism around work, parenting, and showing up publicly. She connects that feeling to social expectations, childhood conditioning, and the challenge of authenticity, then closes with reflective prompts and encouragement to celebrate showing up anyway.

Opening the conversation from a place of self-doubt

The host introduces the theme, "Why do we never feel enough?" by admitting that she does not feel prepared or qualified enough to lead the conversation. She describes an active inner battle between the part of her that believes these conversations matter and the part that questions her right to host them at all.

She explains that this feeling is not occasional but constant, showing up across parenting, work, citizenship, and daily life. That personal familiarity is exactly why this became the first topic she wanted to explore.

She openly says she does not feel like enough to host the conversation
The topic came first because the feeling of not being enough is present in her life every day
She names multiple areas where this pressure shows up, including motherhood and work

How outside standards shape shame and comparison

After turning to Brené Brown's The Gifts of Imperfection, the host reads a passage about how people are constantly flooded with messages about how they should look, live, parent, and succeed. She highlights the idea that in an edited and overproduced world, people easily assume they are the only ones falling short, when in reality many are struggling with the same shame.

She then connects the reading to modern social media, where curated images of success can quietly become personal standards. She gives examples from college admissions content and motherhood, showing how comparison creates impossible expectations no matter what choices she makes.

She reads Brené Brown on media pressure and the feeling of being the only one who is struggling
She points to social media as a source of unrealistic standards
She says motherhood feels especially hard because every choice can feel insufficient

Childhood conditioning and the endless cycle of achievement

The host reflects on where this feeling comes from and says the line between her own expectations and society's expectations has become blurred. She traces some of it back to childhood, when worth felt tied to studying well, hitting test scores, and getting into the right university.

She describes this as a pattern that becomes deeply embedded over time. Once worth is linked to external milestones, success does not bring peace because the standards simply move, creating a cycle that never really ends.

She says childhood achievement standards shaped how she measures worth
She struggles to separate her own expectations from society's
She describes external standards as a filter that keeps the cycle going

The cost of trading authenticity for approval

Reading another passage from Brené Brown, the host turns to authenticity and the risk of hiding oneself in order to be liked. The excerpt warns that suppressing true ideas and gifts can erode worthiness and lead to anxiety, resentment, and grief.

She relates this directly to her own life, saying that for decades she tried to be liked by everyone and adapted herself to fit each social role. That constant shape-shifting eventually led to a breakdown, especially after being rejected even when she believed she had played the expected part well.

She reads that hiding authenticity can damage a person's sense of worthiness
She says she spent 34 years trying to be liked by everyone
She describes becoming a chameleon and says it led to a breakdown

Why starting The Honest Place feels aligned and frightening

The host says that despite the fear, The Honest Place feels deeply aligned with what she wants to bring into the world. She explains that she struggled even to post the announcement for the series, but chose to do it because alignment had become stronger than her fear of rejection.

She shares another Brené Brown passage describing authenticity and worthiness as acts of resistance, then says that is exactly how this project feels: brave, scary, and deeply alive. Her hope is simply to create a space where even one or two people feel less alone and leave with something to reflect on.

She says posting the announcement was difficult because of self-doubt
She chose alignment over the fear of rejection
She hopes the conversations help people feel less alone

Reflection, inner conflict, and journaling prompts

The host speaks about the value of self-reflection and journaling as ways to understand what matters and what stories the mind is telling. She describes an ongoing tension between mind and soul, where one points toward meaning and the other pushes toward what seems logical or socially acceptable.

She closes the main conversation with three prompts: where the feeling of not being enough is showing up most right now, whose voice it sounds like, and what that voice makes a person do that they might not otherwise do. She also shares that imagining the inner critic as a separate object or figure can help loosen its power.

She says journaling helps reveal what is important and what stories the mind is telling
She describes a battle between inner alignment and social logic
She offers three prompts about where the feeling shows up, whose voice it is, and what it drives people to do

Celebrating showing up anyway

To end, the host acknowledges that she showed up while still feeling like she was not enough, and she chooses to celebrate that. She encourages listeners to do the same by recognizing their effort and honoring themselves for continuing despite self-doubt and inner criticism.

She briefly thanks listeners and notes that these conversations happen live on Instagram every two weeks. The emotional close centers on encouragement, self-recognition, and the simple act of showing up.

She celebrates herself for showing up despite self-doubt
She encourages listeners to appreciate their own effort
She says she is cheering listeners on

Show Notes

This is the first conversation from The Honest Place, a reflective space for honest conversations about self-worth, identity, leadership, ambition, parenting and the inner questions we often carry without saying out loud.

In this episode, I reflect on the question: why do we never feel enough? I speak about self-worth, internal pressure, impossible standards and read a few lines from Brené Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection that helped shape this conversation.

The Honest Place happens live every two weeks on Instagram at @svetlanakazco.

Transcript

0:00

Welcome to The Honest Place, a space for honest conversations about self worth, identity, leadership, parenting and the inner questions so many of us carry. What you are about to hear is an edited recording of the first Honest Place conversation originally hosted live on Instagram. In this episode, I reflect on the question Why do we never feel enough? I speak about self worth, inner pressure, impossible standards, and read a few lines from Brene Brown's book The Gifts of Imperfection that helped me shape the conversation. I'm very excited for this very first conversation of The Honest Place. I'm sitting in my bedroom with a cup of my favorite tea, which is Earl Grey tea with a splash of milk I think we all have these kind of things that make us feel better in any situation and for me it's a cup of an Earl Grey tea The topic of today's conversation is Why do we never feel enough? I would like to open it from saying that I myself don't feel like I've done enough, like I have prepared enough, like I am enough to host this conversation. It's a very real battle inside me right now. One voice is saying that we really need these places to have these sorts of conversations. It's very important. It's something that a lot of people carry inside all the time and battle inside all the time and the other voice from the other side is saying to me Who do you think you are to host this conversation? Have you done any research? Are you a psychiatrist? Why you are hosting this conversation? So ultimately what I'm doing right now is I'm showing up to host this conversation despite this internal battle that is happening to me as I speak and this topic of not being enough was the very first thing that came to my mind when I decided to start this series of conversations because it's present in my life all the time. Like every single day I would say several times every hour I feel like I'm not doing enough in different areas of my life. It is related to parenting, motherhood, to my work, to being a good enough citizen, literally whatever you can think about. I can tell you dozens of reasons why I'm not enough and I'm not doing enough in this particular area and as I didn't feel like I'm enough to host this conversation today I decided to prepare at least a little bit and I read a book that was already on my reading list which is a book by Brene Brown and it's called The Gifts of Imperfection So if you don't know Brene Brown she's a researcher from the University of Texas. I believe I'm saying the name of the university right because I also have a fear of not naming the places or people's names the right way and she initially studied shame and specifically shame in women all of her research was focused on that but today she is a best selling author she wrote I believe around eight books and she's pretty mainstream when it comes to leadership, vulnerability, courage, bravery And I want to read one piece that stood out for me to open up today's conversation. From the time we wake up to the time our head hits the pillow at night we are bombarded with messages and expectations about every aspect of our lives. From magazine ads and TV commercials to movies and music we are told exactly what should we look like, how much we should weigh, how often we should have sex, How we should parent? How we should decorate our houses and which car we should drive? It's absolutely overwhelming and in my opinion no one is immune. Trying to avoid media messages is like holding your breath to avoid air pollution. It's not going to happen. It is in our biology to trust what we see with our eyes. This makes living in a carefully edited, overproduced and photoshopped world very dangerous. We think to ourselves: I'm the only one with a muffin top. Am I the only one with a family who is messy, loud and out of control? Am I the only one not having sex 4.3 times per week? Something is wrong with me. I'm alone. When we zoom out, we start to see a completely different picture. We see many people in the same struggle. Rather than thinking I'm the only one, we start thinking I can't believe it. You too? I'm normal. I thought it was just me. And once we start to see the big picture we are better able to reality check our shame triggers and the messages and expectations that we are never good enough. So this piece of this book stood out for me because this is the reality we live in. We see so many things around us set out as a standard we should live up to regarding parenting, regarding what we should achieve. If you open your social media feed like these days if I open my Instagram Explore I would see a ton of videos of people who applied to colleges who are checking out their results and entire families sitting around cheering up Yay! You got into Harvard! You got into Stanford! And that sets an expectation and I'm feeling like I'm not enough. I haven't got into any of these institutions and I don't even know if my kids will get into any of these institutions. But this is what I see and this is what creates this expectation that this is what I need to achieve and make my children to achieve in order to feel after the standards created by our society. In motherhood there are way too many things. This is probably the hardest area for me as a woman and as a parent to live up to. I'm feeling like I'm not spending enough time with my children. I'm feeling like I don't do enough extra curriculum activities for them. When I do extra curriculum activities for them I'm feeling like I'm not leaving enough time for them to be bored and to explore the world. So no matter what I do I feel like that's not enough. It's hard. It's really hard to always have this internal battle that is never going to be resolved. Because no matter what I do I won't be enough in that. When I was thinking about where this is coming from? Why do I always feel like I'm not living up to the standards that I set for myself or the society sets for me? Because I don't even know where this borderline is between what I'm thinking I should be doing and what the society tells me what I should be doing. It's a really blurred boundary for me because there are way too many expectations around us and some of them are coming from the childhood when I was supposed to study well, when I was supposed to hit certain test scores, get into the right university. So, I was tying my wharf to hitting these external milestones and this doesn't go away as we grow up. I think it gets hardwired somewhere very deep inside our brains and as we live our life we have these standards. It's like a filter from which we see the world. If we hit these standards then we should probably achieve more. If we don't hit the standards then we are not doing enough. So it's a cycle that is never going to end. And if we decide to live authentically at some point that's even scarier because authenticity is not going to get us closer to the standards that the expectations of the outside world. I want to read to you another piece related to authenticity. Practicing authenticity can feel like a daunting choice. There is risk involved in putting your true self out in the world. But I believe there is even more risk in hiding yourself and your gifts from the world. Our unexpressed ideas, opinions and contributions don't just go away. They are likely to fester and eat away at our worthiness. I think we should be born with a warning label similar to the ones that come on cigarette packages. Caution. If you trade in your authenticity for being liked you may experience the following: anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, rage, blame, resentment and inexplicable grief. Sacrificing who we are for the sake of what other people think just isn't worth it. Yes, there can be authenticity growing pains for the people around us. But in the end, being true to ourselves is the best gift we can give the people we love. As someone who's been trying to live more authentically for the past six months I can say that it's a hard choice and a lot of people might not accept what you are trying to do as your authentic self. Some people might get pissed off. It's a part of being true to yourself, understanding what your gifts are, what your desires are and not trading them in to being liked. That's a really hard thing to do. It sounds terrible, but for thirty four years of my life I was trying to be liked by everyone and when I say everyone I mean everyone in social circles. I was always trying to guess what is expected of me here. What does this group of people want to see? How do they want me to show up and then try to comply with the picture that I was thinking I need to present as a mother in the school community, as a founder, as a friend. So in the end who I ended up being is a chameleon who was always adjusting herself to fit a particular role she was playing and It's a terrible thing to do to yourself So it resulted in a total breakdown for me. I had a triggering experience that led to this breakdown where I thought I'm playing a perfect role and doing my job as good as I can and then I still was rejected from the place where I wanted to be accepted and ultimately you won't get anywhere rather than in a breakdown place if you are trying to comply with the standards set out to yourself by the world around you. Yeah, but it doesn't mean that it's easy to do. It's not easy to listen to yourself, understand what is aligned with where do you want to be, with how do you want to live and just go out there and do it. So for me these conversations The Honest Place is one of these areas that feel incredibly well aligned with what I want to bring to the world. We need a place for these conversations. We need to feel that we are not alone in different areas we might be struggling with. So yes, I feel that it's very much aligned yet it's very hard. It was very hard to start this series. So, when I decided to post an announcement I really struggled. I really struggled to click post because I had so many self doubt. Yet I did it anyway because I'm at the point of my life where the alignment with what I want to do is stronger than the fear of being rejected. Ultimately, I feel that it doesn't work to trade in the things that feel true and authentic to me to what is expected of me. Because I did it for my whole life and it led me to a pretty dark place. There is one more thing that I want to share with you from Brene Brown's book. Revolution might sound a little dramatic. But in this world choosing authenticity and worthiness is an absolute act of resistance. Choosing to live and love with our whole hearts is an act of defiance. You are going to confuse, piss off and terrify lots of people, including yourself. One minute you'll pray that the transformation stops. And the next minute you'll pray that it never ends. You'll also wonder how you can feel so brave and so afraid at the same time. At least that's how I feel most of the time. Brave, afraid and very, very alive. This is exactly how it feels like to host this series of conversations, to show up and talk about the things that are important to me rather than expected from me. It takes a lot of bravery, it is very scary, but at the same time I feel very alive doing this. I don't know where these conversations will go but my goal is to create a space for them So, hopefully one other person or two people would feel less alone in what they are going through and maybe will leave with some thoughts reflecting how this feeling of not being enough has been showing up for them. I do believe in the power of self reflection. I do it a lot. I do it every day. I journal very often. It's the process during which you can really figure out what is important for you, what stories your mind is trying to tell you. Because another thing is a constant battle between my mind and my soul. When my soul is trying to tell me what is right for me, is purposeful and meaningful and my mind is trying to override it saying that that doesn't make sense, it's not logical, it's not what you're supposed to be doing. Why won't you go and do a lot of things that you have on your to do list that would be perceived well, that would take you to socially acceptable places, so it is a real battle to listen to yourself and to act with alignment with yourself. I want to close this with sharing a few prompts with you, journaling prompts or just a question that you may think about today while you're driving home, taking a walk in the evening or whenever it is convenient. So, the first question is I want you to think where does not feeling like you are enough showing up for you the most in your life right now? So, where not feeling like enough is showing up for you the most right now? The second question is whose voice does it sound like? Sometimes these thoughts have a very particular voice of someone from my past or my present saying this out loud to me from my own head. Or it might be something that you can imagine. I like to imagine my inner critics too like an object or like something that usually looks terrible. Last time I think it was a dried up stick of wood standing alone in the desert and saying to me that I'm not enough or I'm too much but it really helps to imagine these things and realize that this thing or this person shouldn't have any power over me and what I do. And what does this voice make you do that you may not do otherwise? That's my suggestion and my offer to you today to think about these three questions and see what comes up for you. And I think I will wrap it up here. So, I showed up today while not feeling like I'm enough to host this. I celebrate myself right now. I'm going to go and make myself another cup of my favorite tea to celebrate. And I hope that you do the same. I hope that whenever you've been feeling like you're not enough lately you appreciate all the efforts that you've been putting in and you celebrate yourself for showing up despite these inner critics or self doubt, whatever it is. I am cheering on you.

23:30

Thank you for listening to The Honest Place. These conversations happen live every two weeks on Instagram and you are very welcome to join them live if you'd like to bring your thoughts or questions into the space. You can find me on Instagram svetlanakausko And if this conversation resonated, I'd love to hear what stayed with you.

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